Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
