i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
