Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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