In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
