i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
