I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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