So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
