everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
