DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
