3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
