i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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