2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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