i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
