I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
