Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
