You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Randomize
