She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I love you. Go after that dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
