Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
whose parrot is this?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
