we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
