Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
