I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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