I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
