I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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