Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
