apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
