Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
