:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
