I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
