Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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