you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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