Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
