too bad you live with your parents still
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My dick has a subreddit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
