Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
