I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
