He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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