I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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