I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
