it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
