I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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