God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
