btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
