Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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