Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
