Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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