just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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