I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
