you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
