Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
