I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
