I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
