Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
